another day, another sexual harasser. A/K/A call us
I knew last Monday was going to be a super long day. I had personal training at 8:30 am, the first of many in-office meetings at 10 am, tons of work to do all day, and then choir rehearsal from 7:30 to 10 pm. I had a rare commute to myself (usually I drop off one of my two girls) and I was taking the time to try to focus and rally myself. “You can do it!” I was saying to myself, probably listening to Lizzo. I had transferred from the F to the A/C when a guy got on the train next to me. I was standing near the doors, and he got on next to me at the doors. He was yelling and obviously unhinged – ok fine. But he immediately turned toward me staring directly at me. I actually don’t remember what he was yelling but it involved accusations of me being a “bitch”, his desire to “rape” (me?), yelling about “fucking”, and grabbing his junk under his pants. He was about 2-3 feet away from me. I froze in my spot. I did not move or blink, other than to close my eyes, and think calm thoughts until the next stop, planning to switch cars at the next stop. But High Street to Fulton is super long! It felt like forever. And when I moved to get off, he did the same. So then I stayed in place, which he did too. I finally darted off and ran into the other car. My heart was pounding while I waited to see if he was going to follow me into the car before the doors closed. The worst part of this was that there were so many people on the train who could have helped me. There was a super tall guy, not even wearing headphones, standing nearby, who could have just moved to stand in between me and the perpetrator. I kept looking at that guy and waiting for him, or anybody, to do something. Nobody did. Actually, that wasn’t the worst part. Here’s the worst part: there was a minute when I thought to myself, “I knew I should have waited until I got to the gym to change into my slutty gym clothes.” When I got off the train I was shaking and had tears in my eyes. I pretty much recovered and had a good workout at the gym. But I was mad. I was mad at the guy who didn’t help, but I was also mad at myself for questioning what I was wearing. I decided not to change out of my gym clothes when I went to the office that day. Everybody thought I was crazy when I walked in, but when I explained, they got it immediately. We represent a lot of clients who have faced sexual harassment. And all of us tend to say the same things to ourselves. Was it really so bad? Did I imagine it? Am I allowed-